Mary Sue alphabet
by Yuyake no Okami
Summary: Exactly what it looks. A parody of the Mary Sues that plague the LoZ fandom!


A/N: Exactly what it seems. Enjoy my poorly made rhymes.

* * *

_A is for Amelie_

_who was a Zelda fan _

_since she was a kid_

_and one day discovered_

_(oh the angst!)_

_That she had been adopted._

_Her real name is Princess Alara_

_now she wears a flowing dress and a golden tiara_

_with her long green hair and pointed ears_

_her very existence brings me to tears._

_B is for Brianna_

_the blondest of all Hylian girls_

_who sings like an angel_

_and likes kittens and frills._

_During battles she whines all the time_

_(she says she's letting her emotions loose)_

_about her actual utility_

_I'm mildly confused._

_C is for Corella_

_a young Zora cutie_

_the whole fish tribe_

_think of her as a rare beauty._

_She loves Mikau so much_

_and she's so clever and elegant_

_that the fact that he's dead_

_is totally irrelevant._

_D is for Diana_

_a centaur ended here_

_(how, nobody knows)_

_who drinks a lot of beer_

_and thinks the place she owns._

_She's got long white hair_

_that glow under the moon_

_let's just hope the author_

_will put an end to her soon._

_E is for Eren _

_who's got a boy's name_

_her ability with bow and sword _

_gave her so much fame._

_being loved by Sheik_

_is all that matters to her_

_about the fact that "he" is Zelda_

_the author doesn't seem to care._

_F is for Fannie_

_Medli's long lost twin_

_nor a mage nor a fighter_

_but somewhere in between._

_Her eyes are not red,_

_but of a beautiful sky blue:_

_that Ritos have ruby eyes _

_is apparently untrue._

_G is for Geamon_

_a hot Gerudo guard_

_of trophies and prizes _

_she probably has a ton_

_she noticed Link_

_as he broke into their fortress: _

_an arrow to the knee won't be enough_

_to stop this man huntress._

_H is for Harmonia_

_a rich elf maiden_

_from the realm of Chronia._

_From what she proudly claims_

_her parents are not really clever:_

_they affianced the daughter_

_with Link, a goat herder._

_I is for Istria_

_Midna's cousin and friend_

_weirdly enough is a fan_

_of a modern boy band._

_She looks like her cousin_

_just with purple hair and a black leather attire_

_lucky me I have silver bullets:_

_now she claims to be a vampire!_

_J is for Joelle_

_who used to be a mage_

_with spiky red hair_

_and a moon tattoo on her face._

_She managed to kill Ganondorf _

_with a snap of her fingers:_

_if our nerves were guns_

_she would've just pulled the triggers._

_K is for Kelly_

_such a cute Kokiri kid_

_even though she's another Hylian_

_adopted by the Deku Tree._

_She exited the forest_

_and started helping everyone_

_that's not really surprising_

_we all know she's a Link clone._

_L is for Leya_

_so badass that it hurts_

_if someone calls her rude_

_she just rolls her eyes and huffs._

_She destroyed Ganon's army _

_right in front of his face_

_from the look of it_

_she's ready to take Link's place._

_M is for Millie_

_who surely is weird as fuck:_

_she can become a wolf, a fox,_

_a dragon and a cat_

_she flirts with Link all day_

_and monsters never attack_

_she must have a suethor_

_more than happy to watch her back._

_N is for Nayru_

_but not the goddess or the oracle!_

_she's just a common lady so beautiful_

_that it looks like a miracle!_

_the author says that she is not a Mary Sue_

_and I would love to believe the girl_

_but meanwhile Ghirahim, out of the blue_

_confessed his love to our Sueish pearl._

_O is for Ophelia_

_whose story is so depressing_

_that having an abusive father_

_would sound to her as a blessing_

_she tells us her story_

_and her sad thoughts shares_

_the only reply I can think of is_

_"girl, nobody cares"._

_P is for Pryssel_

_the terror of the seven seas _

_half human half selkie_

_with the tail of a seal_

_She loves Link like crazy _

_and called Tetra a filthy whore_

_after that obviously_

_I dislike her even more._

_Q is for Qarra_

_a strong Sheikah fighter_

_who doesn't think is weird for a ninja_

_to get so easily all hyper_

_and knowing that weird technique_

_called kage bushin _

_wait, is that a Naruto quote?_

_Oh Sacred Realm, please no!_

_R is for Rhona_

_the only Garo with an actual face_

_her skimpy clothes and long hair_

_seem to me kinda out of place_

_she loves Vaati_

_(who she thinks she can tame)_

_even though he's from_

_a different world and a different game._

_S is for Sasha_

_a twelve year old who loved Majora's Mask_

_and ended up in Termina _

_right before the second dusk._

_Kafei is twenty-five,_

_or so she's been told_

_but, hey, it wouldn't be pedophilia:_

_he looks ten years old!_

_U is for Umbra_

_an evil goddess nobody knew about_

_she was there before Hylia herself_

_but she never stood out._

_She has big boobs, slutty clothes_

_and wants Link to be her sex slave_

_wait, wasn't that Cia?_

_no, she's trapped in a dark cave_

_(officially she went MIA)._

_V is for Virginia_

_a 10 years old witch_

_who loves to pull pranks_

_and acts like a goddamn bitch_

_gee, you are cute and clever but sadly blind?_

_Your character is so original_

_it blew up my fucking mind._

_W is for Wyver_

_the mighty monster huntress_

_she asked Ralph if he liked someone_

_and refused to hear after the "yes"_

_that she wasn't the One_

_also she treats Nayru so bad_

_that even if I'm not her fan_

_I still think the author deserves a ban._

_X is for Xanthe_

_queen of the vampires_

_she came out of the blue_

_doesn't drink blood_

_as beautiful as a Greek statue_

_and... she doesn't die in the sunlight?_

_Oh no,_

_the author followed the flood:_

_she read Twilight!_

_Y is for Yvette_

_Edward Elric's long lost sister_

_(right when I thought this was becoming better)_

_fell for Dark Link at first sight_

_and being an incredible alchemist she might_

_but even claiming that she's so wise_

_she still hasn't realized she's in the wrong franchise._

_Z is for Zena_

_the real heir to Hyrule's throne_

_when she has to speak to Ravio_

_she has such a sexy tone!_

_She's told to be braver than Link_

_and her wisdom _

_puts Zelda to shame_

_am I the only one _

_who thinks her to be really lame?_

* * *

A/N: Finished! Like it? Hate it? Constructive critiques appreciated!


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